The Age of Entitlement
If 1685 was the start of the “Age of Enlightenment”, then I say that the 2,000’s are the start of the “Age of Entitlement”. If only a small percentage of the population is meant to meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), then how come each time you read a post on social media every person’s ex-partner is a Narcissist?
Is narcissism getting more prevalent (some argue it is) or is it convenient to label a person with a disorder rather than considering what our involvement was in the interaction. Let’s explore this together over the coming weeks.
Entitlement on the rise.
Arny Mindell, the late much-loved father or Processwork, says “if it burns, it’s yours” – hmm, that seems to have gone by the wayside these days as inner reflection is hard work, we don’t seem so much to like to look inward, but rather conveniently we blame the other person (if you ever dated a person with narcissist tendencies, it was never their fault, right?) However, what can we do, be the victims or just stay bewildered? How do we make sense of things and keep sane in a world where entitlement is the norm? We need to be inward focused, hear our internal dialogue and make decisions we are proud of. We all have parts of us that we don’t know well, and it’s often those parts that stay ensconced in relationships that hurt us.
As a registered Psychotherapist, I have worked with people who have had their lives destroyed after being in a relationship with a person with narcissistic tendencies – its real and its very destructive, however most people are not narcissists, despite how many books there appears to be in airport lounges on the topic. It’s more complex and also arguably driven by societal factors.
Are you a victim of an entitled person?
As a Corporate Wellbeing specialist, I have been asked to work with those entitled people, you know the ones that always have an angle, they are always of high self-interest and you are merely a means to an end, they have an agenda, and you just thought they were being nice – until! I have seen people damaged by leaders and co-workers who are highly entitled. Why should they work if they can get you to do it for them? I have also, more often, had to work with the person who was left in the fetal position in the corner of the office who were the victims of the person who took advantage of them, and who now rock back and forth wondering why their leader can’t see the offensive behaviors.
Although, I do think we will start seeing compelling data to suggest that the % of narcissists in the population are actually increasing, and I think there are a few key factors driving that, let’s dive into that in next week’s blog. However, I don’t think we can keep blaming the “every child gets a prize” lifestyle for why entitlement is on a growth trajectory. There is no one smoking gun, but there is also not a massive round of random bullets for us to unpack.
For this week, reflect on a few things:
Narcissism is on a scale. You need a solid ego to get out of bed in the morning, however high entitlement is different to ego. As the Yogis say - it’s not the ego that is the problem, it’s our over identification with, and attachment to the story that comes with it, is the problem. How are you on ego v high self-entitlement scale?
If you are in relationship to a narcissist, work or home, ask yourself is there a pattern? Do you attract them? I have one client who is a narcissist magnet so it can happen.
As narcissists are generally born of trauma – is there a trauma bond between you and the narcissist?
See you next week!
Dr Trish
Consulting Psychotherapist
BA/GD Psychotherapy
MA/GC Psychology
LLM, MEd/DEd
Accredited: PACFA, Certified Practising
Clinical Somatic Psychotherapist, USABP
